


drink your respect women juice, momota-kun

by Anonymous



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 21:26:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/





	drink your respect women juice, momota-kun

Saihara, while usually nervous as hell and terrified of confrontation, knew he had to stand his ground. On the job, he had to deal with many hardened criminals… but none as serious as this one.

A man with spiked purple hair laden with so much hair gel you could smell it off of him sat at the interrogation table, wrists pulling taut at the cuffs as he clenches his fists. Besides that, he doesn't move a muscle, and you could almost think of him as calm—

—but make no mistake. This was a bonafide criminal they were talking about here.

His name is Momota Kaito, age 18. His crime?

Failure to respect women.

It was so unthinkable, Saihara felt his hands grow clammy when Commissioner Kirigiri relayed to him the details of the crime. The incident involved a young woman—a lesbian, nonetheless!—named Harukawa Maki, who was just going on and about her day, killing people like she did for a living. Nothing to bet an eyelash at, in fact if she killed him he'd be quite grateful that she'd do it for free. That's what friends do, after all, right?

Apparently not to this criminal. He apparently went on and on, "mansplaining" that she could do better, encouraging her to drop her weapons and pursue more "feminine" interests, like girls should. (The very idea of this being said made Saihara's lips curl inwards in distaste.)

Anyway, the young girl's feelings were very hurt, but there was still hope, because—

Unbeknownst to Momota, he didn't have to be like this. The problem wasn't him, per se, it was his writer—Kazutaka Kodaka.

He controlled all their actions, and Momota was one of the few who got the short end of the stick, the other being Harukawa, who really deserved better and more consistent character development. Anyway.

Saihara slammed a jug of yellowish liquid onto the table, which made it rattle. The criminal met his eyes.

Saihara suppressed a gulp and said evenly, "You are going to drink every ounce of this Respect Women Juice."

Momota bared his teeth at him. "And if I don't?"

Saihara inhaled, his patience already being tested. "Don't you see that this is for your own good?! You don't have to be what your creator makes you to be! Just because he isn't drinking his juice doesn't mean you have to! We can save you, release you back into society—if you just finish your damn juice."

"If she breathes, she's a thot!"

"Momota-kun!" Saihara yelled sharply, "All women are queens!"

In response, Momota took the carton with both hands and chucked it behind him, the jug bouncing off his idiot head before landing on the floor, still unopened.

Saihara sighed yet again. "Guess we're doing this the hard way."

 

♪

 

Kirigiri faced him in her revolving chair. The green light made her look intimidating, but everything made Saihara scared anyway, so that made little difference. "Any signs of progress with your charge?"

"Well," he said, "he was making decent progress until our storerooms were getting raided. Now we don't have enough of a consistent dose to cure him, and the next shipment is two weeks from now…"

Kirigiri steepled her fingers. "Hm, yes, that is a problem. Naegi-kun."

The youthful-looking man at her side straightened to attention. "Y-yes, Kirigiri-buchou?!"

"See to it that we get our next shipment of juice as soon as possible. As for what you should do, Saihara-kun…"

She was cut off by Ouma draping himself over Saihara's shoulders. He would have stiffened if not for the fact that they were dating for two years now. This was typical Ouma behavior.

"Shuu-tan…" he whined, "Your charge has been saying some really homophobic things to me. Are you sure you've been doing your job right?"

"I didn't think that he was homophobic, too… but this certainly brings some new evidence to light. But how are we going to fix this?"

Kirigiri tried not to feel irritated at being talked over. "Like I've been saying, Sai—"

Ouma jumped in. "Ooh, if drinking doesn't work, I have another idea! Kirigiri-chan, you'll let me do it? Right, right?"

"That method of address is disrespectful and I will not stand—"

"Oh, thank you! Don't worry, you can rely on me, like Kiiboy says so often! Then, bye!"

Ouma dashed off with renewed energy, and Saihara made no move to go after him. He sighed in Kirigiri's direction.

"Don't worry, he'll forget about this very soon."

 

♪

 

Ouma Kokichi has never forgotten anything.

Or is that a lie? It might be!

Slowly, carefully, he tiptoes further into the sleeping convict's room, orange straw from an orange juicebox poised and at the ready. 

He connects it to the Respect Your Gays Juice and then sticks the straw in Momota's nose as he makes his speedy escape into the night.

Kodaka can't catch him now!


End file.
